Today I am Sad. Mourning the Death of a Marriage.

I’m sad today. Today would have been my 26th wedding anniversary, but my marriage ended years ago. I have moved on and married the love of my life. Despite that, today is the anniversary of my first wedding day. I am sad today. Not because of the marriage ending, but more of the loss that my family has changed. No matter how hard I tried, my relationship with my children will never be the same. They know it is best that I am no longer with their father.

The writing on the wall was obvious that I was miserable. They knew their father was abusive and battling his own demons. Life was tough for them growing up and I will always feel guilty that I couldn’t give them the same upbringing that I was blessed with. One where the family was stable, loving, and nurturing. Instead, they grew up in chaos, mental illness, and survival mode. It wasn’t until the shock of taking that step away from my first marriage did I realize how bad things were both with the family and myself. I was torn down, a shell of a person with walls higher than I even thought possible.

I thought I had healed from it all. The tears dried up, and I felt I could breathe again within a few weeks of separating. It took finding my current husband to realize how messed up I was and how bad I still am. He was patient and allowed me to take the time I needed to rebuild myself…